Losing friends, losing a friend that means the world to me, completely kills me.
watching a friendship go down in ruins because you can't be honest, because you are scared of hurting someones feelings takes a toll on me, it picks me apart and makes me reconsider if I'm the dude I promise I am.
In truth, I'm not, being strong is one thing but being stupid because you're scared of what consequences WILL occur isn't strong. It's weak, because if you're brave enough to take that chance to FEEL then you should be brave enough to take the chance to tell someone how you truly feel about them regardless of the outcome. Telling someone you like them, giving your heart is a privilege and if they can't accept that task then they aren't worth the grief, worth the inner crazies and worth the turmoil that comes from giving someone a piece of yourself. You have to be brave enough to take a hit and walk away. To get dumped on and get up and walk it off. You have to be able to be honest with someone and let it go.
I will tell you this now: I am not worth your inner crazies, and the turmoil that goes into genuinely liking someone.
The Heartworm, outside you're fine but on the inside you've got that feeling, you've got that lump that forms from not saying what needs to be said and doing what needs to be done.
I invest myself in the idea that if I can be honest I can be true, and if I can be true I can be a good dude, but so much goes into the idea that you're a good dude once you become aware of what it is, and what you must do in order to really be one. Self-sacrifice, fucking pulling yourself away from things, from people that WILL bring you down.
and thats what this is about. being that good dude.
I want to take ( ) by the arm and tell (
but sometimes we don't want to.
I realized a while ago that I pilot my own plane. That I HAVE to take the wrong turns and end up lost in order to end up fine on the other side. It doesn't end up well most times, but I learn something from everything I fuck up. It just sucks when you come out on the platform, fuck up your landing and completely destroy everything you've worked so hard to obtain. Only to lose it because you think you know best, because you want to do things your own way. Well, shit, of course we have to but we have to take into account the consequence that follows piloting your own plane without listening to precaution and intuition.
Living in this city can bring you down, it can help you out and it can hurt when the only person under the grey spires that feels like you do no longer exists to you.
I want to be a good dude.
i just don't want to lose anymore people.
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